D.J. Demers

He wears hearing aids, but it's totally not a big deal.

D.J. Demers is a stand-up comedian. 

Episode 22 - Alex Pavone

I was in New York City for a few days, and Alex stopped by my hotel to have a little chat. We go way back to 2009, when we were a couple of young pups making our way in the Toronto comedy scene. It was awesome to re-connect with this gem of a man. 

Follow Alex
on Instagram @Alex_thekid_Pavone
on Twitter @MrAlexPavone


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Transcript

 [intro] 

D.J. Demers: One, two, okay. Welcome to “Definitely D.J.”, I am Definitely D.J. [laughing] Okay, alright. I am in a room, well like a dorm I guess you could say, I am in Crete, Nebraska, I just performed at Doane College, in Crete, Nebraska about an hour and a half set in Omaha. Flew in tonight, drove right to the show. I was in New York for the couple of days before that, today’s episode was actually recorded yesterday, like right now I’m recording the intro but the actual conversation with my guest was recorded yesterday in New York City, but here I am in Crete, Nebraska right now. 

What a great show – Doane College, all the students showed up, just packed the place – we had a great time. I was uh- you know, a little weird, it was a fun few days in New York City and then I flew to Nebraska and then I drove the hour and a half and then I got to the school- well I actually ate right before I got to the school. I stopped at a taco truck in Crete, Nebraska, this small town and this taco truck- I had three pork tacos, a 1,50$ each, I actually only paid for two, they gave me three. I don’t know if they meant to do that but I didn’t say anything and it was- I live in L.A., I eat a lot of tacos. These were like the greatest tacos I’ve ever had. I was like “Did I just find the best tacos in the world, in Crete, Nebraska? I believe I did”. 

My God- yeah, so now- most schools would put me up in like a hotel, this one I’m actually in a student’s residence. [laughing] Yeah, I actually performed for the RA of my floor, so I gotta be on good behavior tonight, I don’t wanna get in trouble from the RA. This is- what an interesting life this is, huh? I love it all. I love it all. But a lot of the students know what room I’m in and they also heard me telling all my jokes about how I can’t hear anything in the middle of the night, cause I take my hearing aids out, so I hope they are not a murderers, because they have a key into my room. We shall see – this might be the last podcast ever. No, what a dark thought. No, they were all good students, they not gonna murder me. 

Okay. [laughing] Why do I always get into murder? Why is that always come- in this episode too, we talk about death and murder a lot. But it’s also a positive episode – we talk about death and murder in a positive light. 

New York was amazing, I was there for three days and I was planning my new fall tour coming out here in October, we were shooting the trailer for it, I got to meet my bus driver, the guy who’s gonna be driving the bus for the entire month, I got to meet my cameraman – Mike and Justin, respectively. Mike’s like, I’m gonna say 50- 50 years old maybe. Retired marine, he was a stuntman in movies, he’s like a badass dude. I’m gonna have a lot of fun with him on the tour, I’m gonna [laughing] I’m gonna really try to push his buttons. Not- not too hard though, cause he definitely can beat the shit out of me. Um- but he’s down for a good time. And then the cameraman Justin, he’s a 20-year old, uh- you know, hungry- hungry young dude who’s trying to make impression. He works for “VaynerMedia”. If you don’t know “VaynerMedia”, check it out, it’s a media company that was started by Gary Vaynerchuk, who’s just a huge YouTube sensation and entrepreneur. You watch his videos, he’s like- I don’t know how he has so much energy. I got to meet him cause we were planning everything – all the tour planning was going on at their head office at “VaynerMedia” in New York and he’s got 700 employees, just at that office. He’s like amazing. But we talked like five minutes and he’s just a whirlwind of energy. Cameras on him all day cause he releases a vlog everything, so that whole time we were talking, we were like being filmed. So you always know he’s like on, he is A-game. It’s gotta be exhausting. But uh- he runs a great company and I can’t wait to work with Justin, the cameraman they provided um- for our tour. So yes, I met up with the people from “Phonak” and “Hearing Like Me”, who are the official sponsors of the tour and I just can’t wait, it’s gonna be amazing. We’re gonna be putting up videos every day, it’s just gonna be maybe the most fun I’ve had doing comedy, I don’t wanna jinx it but- I can’t wait. 

And you know what’s really funny, I’m kind of like anti-corporate like I’ve never really wanted to be sponsored or anything like that. If you saw my first Conan appearance a couple of years back, it was all about how like I never wanted to be “the hearing aid guy” and all those sorts of anti-corporate, anti-branding sentiments but “Phonak”, the hearing-aid company has been so good to me, they were the ones who were like “You know, we don’t have to brand this tour too hard, it can just be like you and, you know, by the very fact that you wear hearing aids, that will be an endorsement of “Phonak”, but you don’t need to mention it at all” and I just like-loved them so much, they’ve been so good to 

me cause I’m like “You sure? Cause I can mention “Phonak” 50 times a video. “Phonak”, “Phonak”, “Phonak”, I love “Phonak”. “Phonak” is amazing. If you have good hearing, you should purposely ruin your hearing just so you can wear “Phonak” hearing aids. I don’t think that’s the messaging they would want me to say. [laughing] Anyway, “Phonak” is great, the tour is gonna be great, New York was great, life is great – can I say that, can I get positive? Can I, you know, do a one-eighty from all the death and murder talk and tell you – life is great as I sit here in my dorm room in Crete, Nebraska. Gotta say – life is good. Let’s get into the episode soon here. 

Oh, as always – captions. We have captions on every episode, they are provided by “hearinglikeme.com”, the official sponsor of the tour and also the official sponsor of the captions on every episode of “Definitely D.J.”. Go to “hearinglikeme.com”. Lots of great, um- you know, how-to articles, lifestyle articles, all related to people with hearing loss or people who, you know, have family members with hearing loss. I believe it’s a number 1 hearing loss-related website. Um- I think that’s true, if it’s not it should be. Check it out, “hearinglikeme.com”. And if you wanna access the captions for every episode, go to my website – “djdemers.com” and just go to the podcast page and the caption are with each and every episode and that’s a beautiful thing. Although, some of the weird shit we talk about on these episodes, I’m like “This is funny that, this is forever chronicled”, like in a word document. I don’t know if I want those words out there but too late. In the name of accessibility, all my weird podcast conversations will live forever, for posterity. 

Let’s get into it – my guest this week, we go way back. We started around the same time in Toronto, he moved to New York a few years ago, um- just an absolute delight, one of the nicest guys you’ll ever meet, a hilarious comedian. I got to perform with him in New York last night, I hadn’t seen him in a while, just- he’s just a force of energy up there, so funny, so kind and just a really unique character, you guys are gonna love him. Mr. Alex Pavone, sorry – Alex Pavoné, that’s right, you gotta say it full Italian – Alex Pavoné. Hope you guys enjoy the episode and stay tuned for the more tour details, we got full schedule coming out sometime next week so check my Twitter, my Instagram, my Facebok, check “hearinglikeme.com”, it’s gonna be up everywhere. I’m excited, you should be excited, life is good, no one’s getting murdered 

[laughing] -let’s get into it. Ladies and gentlemen, the wonderful, the hilarious –Alex Pavone. 

[interview] 

D.J. Demers: Also this mic has some sort of hair on top 

Alex Pavone: Is that mine? 

D.J. Demers: No, it was there when you grabbed it. I'm worried you- 

Alex Pavone: Oh God. 

D.J. Demers: I'm worried one of my pubic hairs might have just touched your lip. [laughing] I'm very worried about this. 

Alex Pavone: What a professional setting though. Thank you so much for letting me know what kind of hair it is. You could have gone with any hairs – the head on top- the hair on top of your head, I would been like “thanks buddy”- 

D.J. Demers: No, I- 

Alex Pavone: You know that's gross. 

D.J. Demers: I looked at the consistency of it, it had a bit of a curl. I ain't got curly hairs on top my head. 

Alex Pavone: I- if you would’ve been like “Bro, that's your hair”, I would’ve grabbed it, put it back on my head. If I was wearing your pubic hair all day- God forbid, what are we doing? 

D.J. Demers: [laughing] 

Alex Pavone: What's going on, buddy? 

D.J. Demers: Oh my God, so good to have you. We got room service, beers in my hotel room here in New York City. 

Alex Pavone: Buddy, thank you so much pal. 

D.J. Demers: No problem. Thanks for coming to do the podcast. 

Alex Pavone: Buddy, I mean I haven't seen you in ages, I feel like- I feel like it's been a long time. I can't really remember what it's been. 

D.J. Demers: It's been, well you're from Toronto. 

Alex Pavone: Yes, sir. 

D.J. Demers: That's how we know each other. 

Alex Pavone: Yeah. 

D.J. Demers: Look at this tangle of lies. What kind of dog and pony show am I running here? 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] We can only go up from the pubic hair, I can tell you that much. 

D.J. Demers: Yeah, so we both came up in Toronto, started around the same time. You started like a year before me- 

Alex Pavone: Maybe year- couple of, maybe year or two before you but yeah, something around that. 

D.J. Demers: And then you peaced out to New York, is it like four of five years now? 

Alex Pavone: About thr-three in change, yeah. 

D.J. Demers: It’s only been three? Wow. 

Alex Pavone: I think 2014, beginning of 2014. 

D.J. Demers: Okay. 

Alex Pavone: And then, when did you moved out? 20- 

D.J. Demers: I just moved to L.A. in December. 

Alex Pavone: Oh, shit. So, it’s not even a year? 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. 

Alex Pavone: I felt like you’ve been there for a long time. 

D.J. Demers: Well, I’ve been- I’ve been travelling down to the state for a while but I didn’t make them move, cause it took me a while to get my green card. But you had a cool situation. 

Alex Pavone: Yeah, I got my P-1 so I was just staying here, living like a hobo, for- you know. Now I think I’m getting my shit though, I think I got it. 

D.J. Demers: You got- but I thought one of your parents you were able to get it easier? 

Alex Pavone: No, my mom got her- well, my grandfather is American. He's got- he's an American citizenship, so my mom is like in the process of getting her American citizenship, but to get that through family lineage, it takes five years, so I can't- 

D.J. Demers: What?! It's not even worth it. 

Alex Pavone: It's not even worth, I had to do my, you know- the green card thing. But I think I got it - I went to get my fingerprints and all that last week actually, so I should be, I applied for my EAD- did you do your EAD, a lot of people don't know what's going on? 

D.J. Demers: What's an EAD? 

Alex Pavone: Uh, the employment authorization document. It's before you get your green card, so you can work and entertain- 

D.J. Demers: I never did that, no. I heard that like after I got my green card- 

Alex Pavone: Yeah. 

D.J. Demers: Cause I was- a couple of years, I was coming here performing, making money before I got my green card. I was not legal at all. Every time I crossed the border, I was like "Well, going to jail". 

Alex Pavone: I know, it's fucked, man. 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. And it would've been even scarier now. 

Alex Pavone: What a crazy goddamn thing, what we have to do to come up here or come down here and do comedy and then the other way around, it's like nonexistent. 

D.J. Demers: I know. 

Alex Pavone: They're like "Wait, what are you doing?", "Oh, comedy", "Are you getting paid legally?", "No", "Well, have fun". It's crazy. 

D.J. Demers: "Thank you so much for coming". [laughing] 

Alex Pavone: "Thank you for your honesty, that's what we appreaciate in these countries, thank you so much". 

D.J. Demers: You like living in New York? 

Alex Pavone: I do, man. It's just always a constant grind, you know. You know how it is, in Toronto like how you could take a couple, maybe week or two or you just don't give a fuck, you don't got to e-mail people, you just go to shows, you yip, you yap, but here man, you gotta like- always keep plugging away and people forget so much easier actually. 

D.J. Demers: Just one second. 

___ 

D.J. Demers: And we're back. Jill from "Phonak" and "Hearing Like Me", sponsors of the podcast, they sponsor the captioning so that hard-of-hearing people can read it if they're not um- listening. 

Alex Pavone: Oh, you didn't tell me that, now the pressure is on. [laughing] Now I've gotta- I've gotta impress the Big League. [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: She just showed up, she's hanging out in the hotel room with us, Hello, Jill. 

Jill: Hey. 

Alex Pavone: Okay. [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: Jill's a fan of the podcast too. She listens to every episode and I've revealed quite a bit about myself so Jill knows now everything about me. 

Alex Pavone: Okay, okay, no skeletons in the closet. 

D.J. Demers: I tell about maybe 95% of who I am, so she still doesn't know 5% of who I am. 

Alex Pavone: That 5 though, is top secret. [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: That's a dark 5, that's a dark 5. I wish I had an extra microphone, maybe Jill, maybe the next one it will be just you and I talking, is that okay? If I had an extra mic, I just feel back talking about you and then you not even able to represent yourself. Alex, you were just mentioning that um- the grind in New York. 

Alex Pavone: You know, you know how it is, right? There's just so many shows, and then you feel like if you're getting a grooving one, uh- type of scene, and then there's- there's like so many different scenes, right? Then you wanna get another scenes and you don't really know people as well, and you gotta try to vouch for yourself- it's just, it's just crazy, right? 

D.J. Demers: When you say scene, do you mean like an alternative scene, like what are the scenes in New York? 

Alex Pavone: There's a- there's like a club scene, which is pretty big, right. Then there's like the old scene and like Brooklyn, there's- you know, the black scene and stuff like that, then obviously you, you wanna get out on the road and stuff, but you know, there's a just a bunch of- and there's different club scenes too, like there's uptown and then there's like- you know, downtown so, it's hard- there's so many people you don't even- I've been here for three years and I meet new people every day still, so it's pretty great. 

D.J. Demers: What's the main scene you found you're able to work your way into? 

Alex Pavone: I think the- I mean, I think the club scene was, it's pretty relatively the same as like Toronto, you know what I mean? Just tourists or regular people with 9 to 5 jobs, so I know how to work that crowd. And plus you get paid a bit, and that's probably your best way to get on the road, uh- the Brooklyn scene is cool and shit but I mean, I can't- for no money, all the time, you know what I mean? 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. 

Alex Pavone: It's cool but- 

D.J. Demers: A point comes when you're like "I gotta make money". 

Alex Pavone: I mean, yeah. 

D.J. Demers: Who's like the big comics on the Brooklyn scene? Is that alternative, like what's going on in Brooklyn? 

Alex Pavone: Yeah, it's pretty much like an- I mean, there are good shows there that I, like that I do but I don't really frequent them as much. It's just tough to always- especially cause I live in Astoria, which is Queens and I got to go to Brooklyn and a lot of them are pretty far away, so it's just like a long commute to do shows for maybe- I don't know, it's a shitload of time to maybe just do shows for no money and maybe not even that many people, so. 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. Are you still like- cause when we used to run around Toronto, a few years ago, we like lived and breathed comedy, you know what I mean? It was like our whole life, you still feel- as that like come down or just still you're whole being here in New York? 

Alex Pavone: I'm definitely looking big picture a little bit more now and that's not what they say comedy is. It has nothing to do with New York, I think it just has more to do with time, I don't know how you feel about that but I mean, uh- 

D.J. Demers: The passage of time? Turning into an old man? [laughing] 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] No, I'm talking about comedy, just how it- you know how it was when you first start, you just gotta get on everywhere, and you gotta do this show, and that show, and this show, and that show and then you're like "I know how to do this. I don't need to run around every fucking second of the day and do a show for 9 people, I know how to do this and I should maybe put my eggs in other baskets, perhaps", you know what I mean? 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. Diversify your portfolio. 

Alex Pavone: Yeah! 

D.J. Demers: You're investing in the stock market now, you're e-trading. 

Alex Pavone: You got real estates, selling condos in Chelsea. [laughing] Can you imagine I was a big league real estate agent? [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: Oh my God. "So what you've been up to the last three years?", "Oh, I didn't tell you? I'm a- 

Alex Pavone: "I quit comedy, I'm selling a penthouse as we speak, so"- 

D.J. Demers: Are you doing comedy every night? Is it- 

Alex Pavone: Oh, if I don't, I'm just taking a night off or something but yeah, for the most part- 

D.J. Demers: One show a night, what's- 

Alex Pavone: Sometimes I'll do like- it's crazy how quickly you can get shows in the city because you could go on- you can have maybe one show on Saturday and then someone hits you up, like in the afternoon, "You know, I got this show" and then sometimes I can do four shows on a Saturday when I thought I had one, maybe even zer- nothing, you know. 

D.J. Demers: Wow. 

Alex Pavone: Cause there's so many shows. 

D.J. Demers: Yeah, New York man- I've had this romanticism with New York, cause I'm just here for a couple of days, planning the tour that I'm doing in October, with "Hearing Like Me" - the "Here to Hear Tour', check out "hearinglikeme.com" for more information on that tour. 

Alex Pavone: Sick plug. [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: That's how passionate I am. 

Alex Pavone: You're in good hands, Jill. 

D.J. Demers: But um- I'm here for a couple of days for that but uh- the second I come into this city, I'm just like "Man, I wanna move here". I like L.A. but this city, man. You know, people are like "Oh, chews you up and spits you out" - I want New York to chew me up and spit me out. 

Alex Pavone: It- it does a little bit but I mean, there are different- I think they're different beasts, you know. New York and L.A., I mean I haven't spent that much time in L.A. but there's work there too, I guess. 

D.J. Demers: Have there been any low moment, like there have been any moment- 

Alex Pavone: Yeah. 

D.J. Demers: Yeah? Where you're like "What the hell am I doing?". Cause you were established in Toronto, was there any desire to just go back and be the big fish? 

Alex Pavone: Nooo. 

D.J. Demers: Never? 

Alex Pavone: No, no, it's over. It's over, I can't go back there. 

D.J. Demers: [laughing] I feel the same way. 

Alex Pavone: I can't go back in Canada. I mean it's- there's no way. 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. 

Alex Pavone: What am I gonna do? The same four shows every night in a week, you know? It's fun, I mean it's great to grow old but then, you know, you gotta come here and you gotta make money and stuff. I definitely wanna go on the road, though. I definitely wanna do that. 

D.J. Demers: Yeah? 

Alex Pavone: Go all over the place. I think that's best for me and then- 

D.J. Demers: Have you been on the road much? 

Alex Pavone: Not really. 

D.J. Demers: No? 

Alex Pavone: But you know- I'm gonna start going on the road, I think I'm gonna try to get to Miami and at the end- next year I'm gonna go and try to get to China. 

D.J. Demers: Try to get to China?! They have a good scene in China? 

Alex Pavone: I'm trying, uh- I don't know if it's that big, but I met a guy that um- he came down in New York and we just sort of hit it off and he started the scene over there and I think he has a club down there so. 

D.J. Demers: Oh, I've heard of that, it's like expats, it's a lot of like expats- 

Alex Pavone: Yeah, yeah, yeah, a lot of that it's like expats or Chinese who have lived in, you know, some sort of English-speaking country before. 

D.J. Demers: Is it the one I've heard about a guy who has a club in Shanghai and he doesn't pay that well, but it's pretty much- you get like a free vacation and you kind of break even? 

Alex Pavone: I don't know what this one is, I think this might be in Beijing, I don't know. 

D.J. Demers: Oh, okay. 

Alex Pavone: This guy said China and then he lost me. I was done, I shut it down. 

D.J. Demers: Wow. I was in China in 2011, I went there when I used to work with charity I worked for back in the days in Toronto- 

Alex Pavone: Yeah, yeah. 

D.J. Demers: And it was freezing. I was there in January, it was colder than Canada. 

Alex Pavone: Where did you go? 

D.J. Demers: Beijing! In 2011, it was three years after the 2008 Beijing Olympics and- but it was so funny because China wanted to put on their best face for the rest of the world for the Olympics, so it's like so polluted, but what they did was they moved all of their factories and everything like a 100 miles out of the city so that everyone who came in for the Olympics would think "Oh, Beijing is really clean" but really it was just like a force field- Beijing was still pretty polluted but- 

Alex Pavone: Really? 

D.J. Demers: I traveled like a 100 miles outside of it to do um-speech, when I was doing the motivational speak- 

Alex Pavone: So wait a minute, the Olympics were where? A 100 miles outside of the- 

D.J. Demers: No, they were in Beijing. 

Alex Pavone: Oh, shit. 

D.J. Demers: But they moved all the industry, they like made an effort to make sure all the- 

Alex Pavone: How long ago do they start moving everybody, like years- like a couple of years before? 

D.J. Demers: Yeah, they were planning it like what- the Chinese men, they're industrious people. 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: When they wanna get something done, they get it done. 

Alex Pavone: They get it going, yeah. So hopefully, I don't know, if I get in the middle of the country, I would probably wanna do all that stuff too, you know? 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. 

Alex Pavone: I wanna get like a good, like headliner who's been doing it for a long time and just roll with him, you know, and that's it. And then start doing my own thing, whether it's writing or acting and stuff like that, I mean it's time to make some fucking money, buddy. 

D.J. Demers: It's crazy how time passes and then you're like- and you're amazing, so you gotta be like "I'm really good at this by now, I'm done honing", I mean you're never done learning and honing but you're ready to, you're good enough to make money, a lot of money off of it. You should be rich, that's what I'm saying. 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] Right back at ya, buddy. 

D.J. Demers: Well I have a question I wanted to ask- you're, you're like one of the nicest people in comedy, one of the nicest people in life- 

Alex Pavone: Aww, what a good guy this guy is. 

D.J. Demers: What darkness lurks inside of you? 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: What skeleton do you got in your closet? 

Alex Pavone: I kick a cat a day. [laughing] I see a cat, I kick it, that's- all the built-up frustration that I wanna do to human beings, I just wait, I see a cat when it's alone, boom, punched it down the street. Right, Jill? Ever do that? [laughing] I'm just kidding. I don't know, fuck me, I don't know. I just uh- God damn it, what's dark about me? I'm actually a nice guy, I don't know. I can't even watch- did you ever watch "The Ozarks"? 

D.J. Demers: Haven't watched it yet, no. 

Alex Pavone: Dude, I can't even wat- I watched the whole thing but even like the shooting and the violence shit, it just fucks me up, man. 

D.J. Demers: Really? 

Alex Pavone: Yeah, I can't- 

D.J. Demers: You got a soft heart, you're a good man. 

Alex Pavone: Yeah, it's blood and guts and people getting fucked up, I can't deal with that, I don't know why. 

D.J. Demers: Let's talk about why you were in L.A. a month ago. We missed each other but this is hilarious. 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] This is the best. 

D.J. Demers: You're in a bar in New York, you tell the story. 

Alex Pavone: My buddy is bartending in New York, it's like 5 at night, 5 in the afternoon whatever, so I got in there and- my buddy is a bartender and I go in there with another friend, okay. So we go at this bar and my buddy who I am with is like "Yo, I gotta take a phone call" - he leaves. I'm sitting at the bar and 

people are coming in and try to get that seat, my buddy's seat and I'm like "No, my buddy's coming back" and the- maybe four people try to do it but they got weirder and weirder, okay? Like one guy was regular guy, then it was a gothic guy, then it was a drunk dude, like they- so I was like "What the fuck is happening right now?" and my buddy, the bartender was like "What is happening right now, is this fucked up?". Then the last guy who came in was a mime and he started putting the- he started putting out the chair off his nose and I was like "Buddy, I mean if you're juggling the chair, fuck it, it's your chair, what do you want from me?". 

D.J. Demers: [laughing] 

Alex Pavone: You know, next thing I know, I get a tap on my shoulder and all these cameras are around me and I look back and it's John Mayer. And they did- they were pranking me to see how good of a buddy I would be, how long I can hold my friend's seat, which apparently I did a great job. And John Mayer is there, he's like "Hey man, I think you're a good friend", cause it was by Bud Light, it's like "Bud Light thinks you're a good buddy, so I'm gonna give you two tickets to my concert in L.A. and you know, come out there and whatever". So I was like "Cool man… I guess", I don't know what the fuck was happening. So then I went back to this like little fucking place, sign all these NDA things like "Don't put on Facebook", which is great, everybody needs a little privacy, and um- I saw the mime back there, I go "Good job buddy", he was eating trail mix and he goes "Thanks bro". 

D.J. Demers: [laughing] Mime eating a trail mix? 

Alex Pavone: He was out of character. He was like "Yeah, thanks man". And then um- me and my roommate went to L.A. for two- I went for two days. 

D.J. Demers: And you watched John Mayer in concert? 

Alex Pavone: In concert, two hundred people. 

D.J. Demers: How was the concert? 

Alex Pavone: I was drunk the whole- from the second we left. I remember 18 seconds. 

D.J. Demers: The second you left New York, you mean? 

Alex Pavone: I was drunk the whole time. Cause they gave us 350 dollars per diem, I think that's a- 

D.J. Demers: Oh yeah, okay, one tick. 

___ 

D.J. Demers: And sorry about that, we just ordered beer, room service beer. 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: We're back. We're partying. 

Alex Pavone: Buddy, this is a fucking party if I've ever seen one. 

D.J. Demers: Okay dude, I'm a big John Mayer fan, so I'm not letting the story die yet. 

Alex Pavone: You know what's funny, I was talking to you that day. 

D.J. Demers: Exactly. 

Alex Pavone: I don't know what was happening that day, but I think me and you were both just shooting the shit, we haven't talked to each other for a long time and I was waiting to go the bar and you hit me up and you're like "Hey buddy, how's going? How's New York?" and I was like "You know, it's a- it's a grind", I was having a bad week that week, I remember that. And you were like "Yeah, L.A. is a grind too" and we were both sort of shit-talking- 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. 

Alex Pavone: And then next thing I know, fucking Johnny Mayer is fucking right in my- right in my eye-to-eye eyeballs. 

D.J. Demers: And you said he was bigger that you thought he'd be? 

Alex Pavone: Dude, I went to hug him, I bounced off his peck bro, I just told her- told Jill he's a big boy. 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. Yeah, he's John Mayer, man. 

Alex Pavone: He's a bit of a white noodle, though man, I won't lie. I had to carry that interview afterwards. 

D.J. Demers: Really? 

Alex Pavone: Yeah, he made a couple of jokes, they bombed, but I picked them up, I go "Buddy you know what, you fall, I pick you up". [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: He thinks he's funny, though. 

Alex Pavone: Yeah, that was the problem. 

D.J. Demers: Listen, I'm not gonna say John Mayer is infallible. I'm a big John Mayer fan, but he's got his flaws. 

Alex Pavone: I don't know man, after seeing him perform, he- not really. 

D.J. Demers: Oh my God, I would've love to go to that concert. I gladly lose the rest of my hearing if the last time I heard was John Mayer's sweet guitar. 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] 350 dollars per diem they gave us plus hotel plus a flight, so each so me and my roommate each got 350 dollars. We got fucking bombed from the get go, like we got on the plane at seven in the morning and we are like, "When we go start drinking?" and we were like "Immediately". So we're like, let's get- we got a bottle of wine. We had the flight tracker and we were like “Ok”, when we hit Denver - another drink. This, we had all these cities mapped out. We got to the hotel, started drinking. We just kept drinking, the whole night. And then when we got to the concert “Bud Light” paid for everything. I was inebriated, I remembered maybe- maybe half hour of that concert, maybe 15 minutes of the concert. 

D.J. Demers: You know what's funny- 

Alex Pavone: But he was real good. I would blackout and then come to, but he was always talented when I came to. 

D.J. Demers: [laughing] Imagine you're blacked out and you come to, and he's like "I just, I just don't have it tonight guys, I can't hit this chord, you're like “Oh, how long have I been out?”. 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] No, he was better and better gentleman. 

D.J Demers: Wow, you know it's funny when I think about you in New York which is often, I always think I'm like "I bet you Alex is like stop drinking and 

he's kind of gone like straight edge", so hear you tell the story I guess, no you haven't, you still- 

Alex Pavone: And it was on Facebook live, the event. 

D.J. Demers: I saw it on Facebook live after- I watched it. I am telling you, I am a John Mayer fan. 

Alex Pavone: My uncle was like “Hey I watched the John Mayer concert on Facebook live and we couldn't catch you" and I was like "Thank God” [laughing] if you saw me just wobbling coming in and out of consciousness, I was a mess. 

D.J. Demers: We are the same age. Right? 

Alex Pavone: Yeah 86, right? 

D.J. Demers: Yeah well we're born in '86- 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: A couple of octogenarian on a podcast here. Um-when you get that drunk, don't you pay the price for it the next day, like I don't know- 

Alex Pavone: Oh, I paid the piper but I was on such adrenalin. I was there for fucking one day or two days whatever. I was a mess but everything we bought was with “Johnny Mayer” money. We called the “Johnny Mayer” currency. We kept go, everything we bought we were at "In-N-Out Burger" the next day and she was like "Who's paying?", we're like “Johnny Mayer”. No one understood the joke but we did. We were jacked the fuck up, it was wicked. 

D.J. Demers: It's your roommate a John Mayer fan? 

Alex Pavone: No we knew three songs combined. 

D.J. Demers: Really? 

Alex Pavone: Yeah, we- 

D.J. Demers: Can I guess what the three are? 

Alex Pavone: Yes, absolutely. 

D.J. Demers: “Your Body is a Wonderland”- 

Alex Pavone: Hundred percent. 

D.J. Demers: Of course, “the staple”. I'm gonna say, one of you knew “Gravity”? 

Alex Pavone: [singing] “I want a romp through the holes in my high school”. 

D.J. Demers: That's not “Gravity”. [singing] 

Alex Pavone: Which one is that? 

D.J. Demers: Uh- “No such a thing”. I get that there's no such thing as the real world, yeah, "No such thing". So you know old John Mayer, those are both from his first two albums, those might be from the same album. 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] Really? 

D.J. Demers: Yea, he’s had like eight albums since then. 

Alex Pavone: Alright. 

D.J. Demers: Is the third one from the same album? 

Alex Pavone: I don't know, "Body is Wonderland”, the “High School” and what the hell is "Gravity"? And um- “Waiting For The World to Change”. 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. OK. 

Alex Pavone: What's “Gravity”? 

D.J. Demers: It's off the same album as “Waiting For The World to Change”, I think, maybe the album after, it's like [singing] “Gravity” and it's like [singing sound] and it’s like really jazz, blues-y guitar. 

Alex Pavone: He played- He was amazing. The whole time he really was amazing, we didn't know any songs but he was still amazing. But he played one that we knew and we went ape shit. We were like "That’s the one, that’s the one", "We know that, we know that", we were going crazy and everyone were just staring at us. My roommate is like, I don't know, he likes fucking move- I don't know, he's like uh- he no shit, you know, Miles Tanner? Do you know this guy, this actor, Miles Tanner? 

D.J. Demers: Oh, Miles Teller? 

Alex Pavone: Teller, yes. Do you know this guy? 

D.J. Demers: He's the guy from “Whiplash”. 

Alex Pavone: Maybe, he was beside us, the whole concert. 

D.J. Demers: Really? 

Alex Pavone: My roommate was going crazy, he's like “Miles, this guy"- 

D.J. Demers: Have you not seen “Whiplash”? The drumming movie with the really asshole teacher. 

Alex Pavone: Nah. 

D.J. Demers: Oh my God, “Whiplash” is incredible. 

Alex Pavone: I’ve heard of it but I haven't seen it, but he's in that? 

D.J. Demers: Yeah- 

Alex Pavone: So he's like a big deal. 

D.J. Demers: Yeah he's pretty big- You know who I always compare him to, he had a similar trajectory to Anton Yelchin. They were both like the hot new up and coming actors and then Anton Yelchin got trapped against his house by his own car last year and he died- 

Alex Pavone: Oh that kid- 

D.J. Demers: Twenty seven years old- 

Alex Pavone: I know about that kid. 

D.J. Demers: I always used to get them confused in my head but now there's no confusion. 

Alex Pavone: God damn it. 

D.J. Demers: [laughing] 

Alex Pavone: Well yeah, you're an asshole. 

D.J. Demers: I'm just sayin, he made it easy. That story terrifies because when I think of how I'm going to die, which is often, I always think it's going to be some freak thing like that- 

Alex Pavone: Plane crash? 

D.J. Demers: Well for sure, plane crash all the time. Well I'm flying all the time now, I mean, I have a whole bit about it. I'm the first comedian ever to do airplane material but- 

Alex Pavone: [giggling] 

D.J. Demers: But the whole thing is like every plane I get on, I really do think but I also think even just when I'm like, I remember Montreal like five or six years ago, there was- you could, the Montreal’s infrastructure is just crumbling like, the city is just- nobody does construction there. 

Alex Pavone: Nobody's doing anything. 

D.J. Demers: Yeah but there is this couple, they were out for I think the woman 30th birthday and also their two year anniversary or something, like a nice beautiful day, they're out on a patio at a restaurant. They are just sitting there, all of sudden, the wife is just gone and the husband like- he's in shock. What happened was one of the like the balconies or whatever they are like, I don't know the word for it, the cement thing that's underneath the window like a- 

Alex Pavone: No. 

D.J. Demers: Yeah, it broke off in the building, fell onto the patio directly under her. He lost like a finger or two because they were holding hands but it completely just dropped on her, all of a sudden he was just looking, his wife was just gone. 

Alex Pavone: When the fuck was this? 

D.J. Demers: Like six years ago maybe, seven years ago I remember I was working- seven or eight years ago now. But- 

Alex Pavone: I've never thought of that. 

D.J. Demers: Oh, I when I'm walking down a street I'm looking up, I'm like "What's up there right now". 

Alex Pavone: Really? 

D.J. Demers: Yeah, cause you don't know what's out to kill you. It's not the things you think. 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: Even like a little thing like this Anton Yelchin guy. He got out of his car- 

Alex Pavone: That’s fucked. 

D.J. Demers: I don't know what he was doing but all of a sudden you're pinned against your wall by your own car and even in that moment I bet you're like, “I'll get out of this”. 

Alex Pavone: That's fucked up. 

D.J. Demers: Wouldn't you think like- Or there was a woman in Montreal who scarf got caught in the escalator at the Metro station, in the subway, and then choked her cause she couldn't get her scarf out- 

Alex Pavone: I think I'd get out of that? No! I hurt my toe and I'm like "It's over, cancer". I think I'm dead every day. You think I'm going to get out- you think I'm thinking that I'm going to get out of fucking pinned SUV? I'm not. I'm calling my parents, it's over, if I could reach in and call people, not call the cops. I'm like "Look, it's over". 

D.J. Demers: I have unrealistic expectations of what I'll be able to achieve in my moments of like, I feel like I would be able to like lift a car. 

Alex Pavone: You think so? 

D.J. Demers: I don't know. I think yeah, I want to believe. 

Alex Pavone: I think that if I'm ever in a store and someone pulls a gun out, I'm fainting and crying. 

D.J. Demers: Yeah, the gun, I wouldn't do anything. 

Alex Pavone: Crying! I know for a fact I will be brought to tears. I'll be on my knees begging, I'll shit my pants. 

D.J. Demers: Mhm. 

Alex Pavone: There's no way I'll do anything other than shit myself and cry. 

D.J. Demers: Yeah I just know- 

Alex Pavone: No way- 

D.J. Demers: The surveillance footage after just, you'd be a YouTube star, people would be like "You gotta see this guy". 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] I would rather maybe get fucking lit up, then survive that experience- 

D.J. Demers: Have you been scared of New York at all or you're in a safe neighborhood, dangerous neighborhood? 

Alex Pavone: Buddy, I'm always terrified but I- Yeah probably, it happens probably so often that I just- I'm always head down and I am always just fucking- I'm turning corner, I'm sprinting home. I've sprint, I’ve sprinted home a couple- 

D.J. Demers: Really? 

Alex Pavone: [whispering] Oh yeah. 

D.J. Demers: What caused you to sprint? 

Alex Pavone: A crazy person yelling or somethin, just like losing it. Just me and him I got a fucking, shaking shake and bake baby. I got to get out of there. 

D.J. Demers: No pride! I just want to live, I just want to live- 

Alex Pavone: I just want to survive. Yeah, that's- that's me. 

D.J. Demers: We were talking before we started the podcast about the new “Uncle Drew” movie coming out, Kyrie Irving, the character he plays for. Is it pep sc- 

Alex Pavone: It’s a- fuck! Isn't it Pepsi? 

D.J. Demers: It's Nike, Adidas- anyway, so they're making a movie of- 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: And then- some brand- and they showed that Nate Robinson is going to be in it and he's dunking on Shaq and we were like: "Why are they showing us this?", we'd rather be surprised and we are talking about how there's no mystery anymore. Everybody's posting everything on Instagram- 

Alex Pavone: Everything! 

D.J. Demers: And Facebook and Twitter- 

Alex Pavone: No secrets anymore. 

D.J. Demers: Well- 

Alex Pavone: Which I hate. 

D.J. Demers: Yeah, well Jill and I and another one of her colleagues Vincent who also works at "Hearing Like Me" and "Phonak", um-we went to “Vayner Media” today which was started by Gary Vaynerchuk, he's like a huge YouTube star, huge entrepreneur, he's like the real deal. He created an empire, two huge floors in New York, 700 employees, it was insane. Basically he's got people following him all day filming, all day and, he makes a vlog every day. So everything he says to you, he knows he's being recorded- 

Alex Pavone: Yeah. 

D.J. Demers: So that mess with your psyche after a while, there's no line between what's your entertaining persona and the real person. And I was talking to Jill and Vincent and I was like "I just don't think I could ever do that", like for this tour for a month, I'm going to be filmed all day and that's fine for a month. But like, then the idea that like the next month after that it would also be, like I know at least, you know, come November I can take a little break or whatever. This guy's life for the last 10 years has just been documented every day and he's not the only one - YouTubers, that's their thing now. I couldn't imagine, just like no sec- And then you meet a girl and you're like, "Hey by the way, I film everything so you're going to be on YouTube every day". 

Alex Pavone: It's, it's exhausting man. 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. 

Alex Pavone: I can't even think about how many like, I I can't even- I can't even do a Facebook- I've never done a Instagram's story. 

D.J. Demers: No? 

Alex Pavone: I don't think anything I do, it warrants attention from other people, like what the fuck are people doing that, like how interesting is this guy? What's his name? 

D.J. Demers: Gary Vaynerchuk. He believes he's interesting, that's another thing - you have to be narcissistic in today's society because you have to believe people wanna see the shit you doing. 

Alex Pavone: Well I mean, what can he possibly be doing that's so fucking crazy always? 

D.J. Demers: He's inspirational, by the way I'm not like the biggest fan, I don't dislike him, it's just- 

Alex Pavone: [shouting] No, no, no, not that I'm dissing him either. I'm just- 

D.J Demers: You have to, you have to create some sort of message, you have to create something that you think is worth telling people about to you- like we talked to him today for like five minutes and he was just on message the entire time, like he was like selling us on the legend of him, the whole time. And it was entertaining and you could feel his personality, yeah. It wasn't a conversation, it was like a Ted Talk- 

Alex Pavone: Yeah, exactly. 

D.J. Demers: In person Ted Talk. And you did feel something. You were like "Oh wow, this guy's got a certain power about him". But you didn't feel like he gave a shit about you. 

Alex Pavone: Yeah, no. 

D.J. Demers: Which is- 

Alex Pavone: That's a big thing. 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. 

Alex Pavone: Well, when you talking to someone and you know, you just sort of want that person to like you too and have like some sort of balance of respect for what you're saying and what you do. 

D.J. Demers: But that's one perspective. He's got a camera on him who's tuning into his vlog to watch him listening to somebody. 

Alex Pavone: No one. That's true. 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. 

Alex Pavone: But I mean he chose to live like that but that's insane. I can't do that. 

D.J. Demers: You, you don't even sometimes like take your phone to a show, right? Like well, I see if I message you on your Messenger, I can see the last time you were on and I'll see you like you haven't been on for like six hours and it's like 6:00 p.m. I'm like "Was he checking his phone today?". 

Alex Pavone: I can't- I don't know, at the John Mayer thing we had to put our phones in a- in like a sack and you couldn't bring it out. It was like on a Wi-Fi thing so once you leave the venue then it could unlock, which was cool, it was two hours, no one on their phone, it was pretty cool. 

D.J. Demers: Wow. 

Alex Pavone: Yeah, that was pretty interesting. 

D.J. Demers: I like when something forces me to get off my phone. 

Alex Pavone: Yeah. That's exactly what it was. 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. 

Alex Pavone: Yeah. People were not- you had to check in, you had to check your phone and stuff it was pretty cool. But- 

D.J. Demers: People mainly older or younger at the Mayer concert? 

Alex Pavone: Uh-you know people, vary actually. There was a lot of people, diehard fans who were like older, maybe 50 year old. 

D.J. Demers: He’s been around awhile. 

Alex Pavone: Well he's amazing. He really is an amazing musician. But yeah, fuck man I can't deal with- I like privacy sometimes. 

D.J. Demers: I know. 

Alex Pavone: You know, even like when people hit you up and they're like, you know, somebody hits you up and texts you “Hey what's going on? Let's hang out". And you- What happens if you just don't want to hang out anymore? You got to feel like a fucking villain every goddamn time. 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. 

Alex Pavone: Like now, I can't- I'm going to make an excuse, I have to lie because what happens if I just want to, be by myself- it's not an option anymore. 

D.J. Demers: I know. 

Alex Pavone: It's like “Nah man, I am sorry, you know, I'm just taking it easy by myself" and people like “What are you doing?", like it’s crazy. 

D.J. Demers: I know but unless you develop a reputation for not getting back to people like my girlfriend, she doesn't message people back for like five days and nobody gets angry because they just know she doesn't message people back for five days. It's not like she picks and chooses, she just won't look at her phone. I envy the hell out of her. 

Alex Pavone: That's unbelievable. 

D.J. Demers: She got an iPhone one, she doesn't have Data. She has to be connected to Wi-Fi- 

Alex Pavone: This is an extreme case though. 

D.J. Demers: I know- 

Alex Pavone: I can’t get there. 

D.J. Demers: I'm scared for the day when her phone breaks and she like joins the rest of us, becauase- 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] Joins the rest of us fucking idiots! 

D.J. Demers: My mom visited me last week, she's a 57 year old woman. She's addicted to her phone. I was watching her, I'm like, I'd like go, you know, fix us a drink or whatever- do something in the kitchen, go to my room to do work for like 20 minute, night come out. That phone was- she was looking at the same screen she was looking at 20 minutes earlier when I left and I'm like, “Mom you're addicted to your phone”. She said, “No no, I was just checking to see what the grandkids are up to”. 

Alex Pavone: What the hell are we even looking at? 

D.J. Demers: Nothing. 

Alex Pavone: I'm watching people sometimes scroll and liking- they're liking pictures, I'm like "This person is a fucking reject, this person is an idiot". I saw a guy like a picture of a goat with Trump's hair yesterday, he just sit there like the- 

D.J. Demers: Are you sure it was a goat, not just Trump himself? 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] I don't know. It could have been that but I was like “This guy is a fucking moron” and then I'm walking home and I fucking like a picture of a turtle and I was like "I'm a moron", you know. 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. I mean when they like something and you're talking to them and you're like "That picture of the turtle or goat is more important than me right now?". 

Alex Pavone: I know, it's fucking ridiculous. 

D.J. Demers: Well Jill and I were talking about- 

Alex Pavone: Some memes are pretty funny though. 

D.J. Demers: Oh man, I love- live for the memes now. I don't care about people, I care about memes. 

Alex Pavone: Sometimes you're telling a story and someone jacks up meme right in your face and you're like- [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: Worth it, yeah. 

Alex Pavone: Kevin Hart, poking out, like that. That's a good meme. 

D.J. Demers: [laughing] But yeah, Jill and I were talking so she's from America but she lives in Switzerland now. 

Alex Pavone: Yes. 

D.J. Demers: And we were talking cause I'm on the road a lot for comedy and everything and we're discussing the idea that like when I'm on the road for comedy, that's when I'm really on my phone because I'm alien- like I'm isolated, I'm away from everybody. Gives me a feeling of connection to people. She does it to like, you know, check in what's happening back in America cause he's on the other side of the world, you know. 

Alex Pavone: Yeah. 

D.J. Demers: So I feel like the more I'm away from people, that feeds my addiction, like if I'm in a hotel in the middle of Iowa or something, like I have to make a contest out, I have to throw my phone across the room- otherwise it will be like, I'll come back from the show, it's like 9:30 p.m., you know colleges are often out at like eight with their shows, come back in my room, it's like 9:30, I'm not partying in the middle of Des Moines or whatever I am, 9:30 I go to bed at 2:00, I'm like I've been looking at my phone for four and a half hours straight- 

Alex Pavone: Fuck dude. 

D.J. Demers: Just straight. 

Alex Pavone: It's fucked, it’s like an actual fucking problem. 

D.J. Demers: Did you look at your phone when you said that? 

Alex Pavone: No, the bonus called me. 

D.J. Demers: Oh. [laughing] 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] Stupid idiot. 

D.J. Demers: He's moving to America too, so many Canadian comics moving to America. 

Alex Pavone: Before we fucking get into that, you know what, you know what makes me sick? You know what makes me God damn sick? I don't know if real people do this or is just a comedian thing: you're talking to another person. People come into the conversation. Not only do they kibosh that conversation, then they go-like if they know the other person, me and you are having a conversation, Jill, lovely person right? You're a good person with manners. You come into a conversation because you know D.J. Do you introduce yourself to me or do you just go right into combo? 

Jill: No, introducing, for sure. 

Alex Pavone: People don't do- is this a comedian thing with-? 

D.J. Demers: Jill said she would introduce herself, for the record. [laughing] 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] I forgot about that. I do a podcast and I have the no mic on me so I just was like she's mic'd up. But yeah, you go and you introduce yourself, but there are some people who will come into a conversation, on their phone, not say a word, they just come in and- why did you do that? 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. 

Alex Pavone: You could have stayed over there and been on your phone. What are you doing? 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. 

Alex Pavone: You're just coming in here and you're going to be on your fucking phone? It's just- things are irking me lately and I don't know if it's me being, getting older- 

D.J. Demers: Just lately? I've known you, you've been irked for a while. 

Alex Pavone: Yeah? 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. 

Alex Pavone: But I think I'm- I have, I don't know. I don't know, it's a weird thing. The things that irk me or people are like, “Why do you get mad at this? Why don't you getting mad at that, you know, real issues?", it's like I don't fucking know, what do you want me to do? Fucking- 

D.J. Demers: The real issues, I don't feel like I know enough about it. They might make me mad but I can't really like elucidate. I can't eloquently say what makes me mad about them but I know when somebody comes into a conversation and they're looking at their phone, it's simple why I mad. You're being a dick. 

Alex Pavone: Its simple, right? But you can't lose it on someone because people are going to be like "Uh, there's real problems out there". It's like well what the fuck do you want me to do? Anyways, I've lost my mind on this podcast, my chair just broke. [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: [laughing] Land on some woman down the balcony. 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] Dude, if I fell out the window, if I flipped out and fell out the window and died though, for sure that would never happen to you. The odds of you witnessing a crazy death and then it happening to you is out the window literally- 

D.J. Demers: [laughing] That's all I needed to live carefree the rest of my life, like "No no, I watched someone died horribly, I'm good". I start skydiving- 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] Hot air balloons. 

D.J. Demers: Your emotions for hot air balloon and that was very unusual. [both laughing] 

Alex Pavone: Can I tell you what this hot air balloon thing- my dad got an invitation for a hot air balloon- 

D.J. Demers: From John Mayer? 

Alex Pavone: John Mayer invited my father to hot air balloon and he was going to, he was going to serenade him. I don't know how high they go. Dude, I swear to God, my aunt bought, my dad, he's in a fucking weird shit- I think my parents, my parents got divorced and I think my dad started like skydiving- 

D.J. Demers: When did they get divorced? 

Alex Pavone: Back in the day. 

D.J. Demers: Oh, OK. 

Alex Pavone: But anyways, he, uh- and that's probably not the reason why, I think he just likes heights. [laughing] I am selling this poor guy out. He's been trying to hot air balloon, I swear to God - since 2009. There is, I think, 5 kilometer winds, kibosh is the whole thing. 

D.J. Demers: Really? 

Alex Pavone: Yeah, like the slightest wind and you're toast. This guy has been trying a hot air balloon for 8 fucking years. [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: Oh my God. 

Alex Pavone: And he can’t get off the ground. He tried Sunday, that's why I brought it up. I was like "How was hot air ballooning?", he's like "Cancelled again", I go "God damn, 9 consecutive years". 

D.J. Demers: When he finally passes away, years from now. 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: Your father's got a, he's a very healthy man, I've met him. He's got a long ways to go about when he finally does, you should just put his ashes up in hot air balloon and just let them go- 

Alex Pavone: Oh disgusting, he said no. He says he wants to get his ashes, to get thrown down the ocean- 

D.J. Demers: Your dad- 

Alex Pavone: Ocean in Italy. 

D.J. Demers: Really? Are you Sicilian? 

Alex Pavone: No, my mom's a Calabrese and my dad's from Abruzzo. 

D.J. Demers: OK. 

Alex Pavone: Abruzzo is a nice place to throw ashes off of cliff though. I get it, my buddy, I get it. [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: [laughing] Have you been to Italy? 

Alex Pavone: Yeah, I went last year. 

D.J. Demers: Oh really? With your family? 

Alex Pavone: Just with my dad, yeah. 

D.J. Demers: With your dad? Are you closer to your dad than your mom? 

Alex Pavone: [Thinking] Uh, that’s pretty tight. 

D.J. Demers: You're close to your mom, right? 

Alex Pavone: Yea, it’s pretty tight. 

D.J. Demers: Your dad is like a silver fox. I met him in Montreal a couple of years ago. Handsome man! 

Alex Pavone: Jacked up- 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. 

Alex Pavone: Goes to the gym, does push-ups- 

D.J. Demers: Yeah? 

Alex Pavone: He had a problem. He's always snapping though, he's got a lot of anger problems. [laughing] He's an asshole. 

D.J. Demers: Wow, I wonder where you got it from, huh. 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] My mom snaps too- 

D.J. Demers: Yeah? 

Alex Pavone: But she's a little kinder. 

D.J. Demers: I dated an Italian as you know and they're prone to snapping. I don't want to generalize but- 

Alex Pavone: No, they lose it, buddy. Hot heads, baby. [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: I loved the hot air balloon, the one thing is I'd bring up- I'd bring a parachute with me because there's a lot of hot air balloon accidents. 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: People die in hot air balloon. For real, I don't understand why you don't get a parachute when you are in hot air balloon. 

Alex Pavone: I don't think science works like that. I don't think- I don't think you could just jump. I don't know- 

D.J. Demers: At least one of those base jumping suits- 

Alex Pavone: Like a- 

D.J. Demers: Let me figure it out on the way down- 

Alex Pavone: Like a flying squirrel. 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. Those flying squirrel videos, I almost shit myself just watching them. 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: Have you seen the one where the guy is flying squirrel on base jump in and he runs into a bridge? 

Alex Pavone: An actual man? 

D.J. Demers: An actual- 

Alex Pavone: No, I haven’t seen any of this. 

D.J. Demers: Oh, when you say flying squirrel, you weren't talking about those suits that they are? 

Alex Pavone: I am but I was also talking about the flying squirrel. 

D.J. Demers: Oh, okay. 

Alex Pavone: Yeah. 

D.J. Demers: No, there's those suits that they wear and they spread their arms open and then they just fly. 

Alex Pavone: There is video of a guy crashing into a bridge? 

D.J. Demers: There is group of like eight of them and they're all like hugging a mountain as they do it. Not literally but they're like, you know- and then you just see one guy like [smacking sound] hit the bridge and the rest of them just keep going obviously, too quick to like really do anything to help their friend, but you just gone. 

Alex Pavone: Yeah, you can't stop midair. 

D.J. Demers: Yeah, yeah. 

Alex Pavone: It’s over. You get to talk about it when you get to get to the ground. 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. "Did you guys see what happened with Bill back there?". 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] "Bil have got dusted right there and then turned too sharp". 

D.J. Demers: Maybe- 

Alex Pavone: Maybe you need to stop watching these videos, pal. Maybe this is what's feeding into your- 

D.J. Demers: Well I lived through them- Cause when I was young, I used to think I'd do a lot more extreme stuff. Now I'm getting older, I'm like I'm not gonna, I'm just trying to not die here. Have you seen Alex Honnold, the guy who free climbs? 

Alex Pavone: Who? 

D.J. Demers: Alex Honnold, he free climbs the biggest mountains in the- no harness, he chalks his hands, he's got chalk, special shoes, straight up the-half face in um-Yosemite in California. It's like however tall it is, 5000 feet or whatever. In the 70's, there's this great movie all about the evolution of how long it's taking them to climb this mountain. In the 70's- 

Alex Pavone: He lives in the 70's, no? 

D.J. Demers: No, no, he lives now. He lives now. [laughing] 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: But, like in the 60's and 70's the pioneers of mountain climbing, not mountain climbing but the particular type like free climbing- 

Alex Pavone: Free or whatever fuck it's called. 

D.J. Demers: It took them two days to ascend the half-face in Yosemite, I think it is. He does it now, he just set the new record like a month ago or two months ago, he does it in like an hour and 20 minute. No harness or anything. He is boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, looking down to your puke if you watch this video. 

Alex Pavone: An hour and 20? 

D.J. Demers: And they took two days. They used to camp out and sleep at various ledges. 

Alex Pavone: Yeah, you got to come with a plan if you aren't fucking fantastic at, you know, climbing mountains like- 

D.J. Demers: Like now you're just -woop, up. 

Alex Pavone: That's terrifying. 

D.J. Demers: And if he slips, one slip - done. 

Alex Pavone: He's going to die like that, for sure. 

D.J. Demers: The other guy, there is one other guy who were kind of the two like most known crazy clim- he died like last year. 

Alex Pavone: Fuck. 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. But apparently he was more reckless. You know you're reckless when other like- 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: Free mountain climbers are like "That guy is crazy". 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] That guy's out of control, that guy's a wildcard, we don't know what he's going to do. Climbing upside down. Guy is a fucking maniac. 

D.J. Demers: Have you seen the documentary “Dying Laughing”? 

Alex Pavone: No. 

D.J. Demers: I watched in on the plane on the way to New York, so did Jill. And it's about comedians and just basically about the messed up lives and the kind of emotional rollercoaster that being a comedian is and- 

Alex Pavone: It’s a fuck show. 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. 

Alex Pavone: Anytime anyone's like "How is like being a comedian?", I'm like "Fuck show"`. Go on like urban dictionary, type in “Fuck show"- 

D.J. Demers: Is that- I doubt I'd actually find anything. This is the first time I've ever heard the expression “Fuck show”. 

Alex Pavone: Really? 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. 

Alex Pavone: Oh buddy, it's a “fuck show”. You get it though. 

D.J. Demers: Oh yeah, I get it. But Jill is like "Did you like"- what's the word I'm looking for- "relate to any of that?", I'm like every single- when they talk about being sad on the road and stuff- oh my God. I'm always a happy person, I consider- but sometimes` down the road when I'm by myself in the middle of wherever for like two weeks- Topeka, Kansas or some shit, I'm like this is awful. 

Alex Pavone: It's, it's such a crazy like “shift of emotion”, when you are on stage and you are- 

D.J. Demers: The king! 

Alex Pavone: The king. And everybody’s laughing and everybody's having a good time and then you get off and then it's over. 

D.J. Demers: [laughing] Yeah. 

Alex Pavone: It's not like you’re Jim Carrey and like you get offstage and just seven girls are just blowing you- like it's not like that. 

D.J. Demers: Wait! That doesn't happened to you? 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] A couple of times I've gotten off, seven girls blew me and now it's happened. 

D.J. Demers: [laughing] 

Alex Pavone: But yeah, you're just in your hotel room alone and you're like "Twenty five minutes ago, I was the fucking king of that room". And now I can't even fucking order a movie in this hotel room because it's $13. I go in the mini fridge, I just cost myself $4 on a water, I can't afford that. I'm a mess, I'm falling apart. 

D.J. Demers: So what do you do during the days? You have a girlfriend now? 

Alex Pavone: No, thank God, sorry. 

D.J. Demers: [laughing] Sorry. 

Alex Pavone: I don’t know why I apologized. I just apologized to women when I don't have a girlfriend. Sorry about that, I know I'm a hot commodity on the market here. 

D.J. Demers: [laughing] 

Alex Pavone: Uh-no, I don't have a girlfriend, what, are you out of your mind? I did have a girlfriend, it was tough. 

D.J. Demers: Here in New York? 

Alex Pavone: I did have one girlfriend in New York and it was- when I can't move back, I was in Toronto, I moved back into the city to a new place and we lived two blocks from each other and I knew that there it was, right there. It was the beginning of the end with that one. Oh God! 

D.J. Demers: Why? 

Alex Pavone: Why? Why? 

D.J. Demers: Too close? 

Alex Pavone: Too close, too close, too hot, too heavy. It was tough. 

D.J. Demers: But you, you- we’re at the same age. Do you have any desire to start a family or anything? 

Alex Pavone: Hell no! 

D.J. Demers: No? 

Alex Pavone: For what? 

D.J. Demers: Not ever? 

Alex Pavone: Not now. 

D.J. Demers: But like maybe you're not, like you're not like anti- I'm not trying to push this agenda obviously, you do whatever the hell you want- 

Alex Pavone: No. [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: "Come on Alex, you don't want a family, c'mon man". 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] "Buddy, I mean it was fine until D.J. started- telling me to get married , start a family, I don’t know what's going on". 

D.J. Demers: You're no spring chicken, all right. 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] I don't know maybe, yeah fuck I want a kid. I want a kid to see what it would look like. 

D.J. Demers: To see what it would look, that's the most narcissistic reason and I totally relate to. 

Alex Pavone: Right? 

D.J. Demers: Whenever people say they want to adopt, I am like "What?!" 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: That takes away the whole reason, they're like "Oh there’s a lot of kids who need", I am like "I don't"-I mean I wish I cared about adopting and I understand it's a noble thing to do but I want to see a little D.J. around. 

Alex Pavone: Me too. I mean I want to adopt too but I mean- 

D.J. Demers: Hearing aids and everything, if my kids have good hearing, I'm gonna be pissed. 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] That’s hilarious. Um, yeah, I want to see what the fuck I give them, forehead, eyes, nose, I want to see what the kid gets. 

D.J. Demers: Just start naming body parts- teeth, armpit- 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] Let’s see those teeth, oh yeah, these are daddy’s teeth. No, I don't fucking know man, Jesus Christ. My grandmother was like, she's yelling at me all the time. Every time I see her, I get yelled at for not having kids. And I was like "you have that fucking kids, you needed to fucking start a business". It wasn't- you know- 

D.J. Demers: In the old country? 

Alex Pavone: Yeah, you needed fucking someone to throw hay barrels or whatever the fuck you did, feed pigs. 

D.J. Demers: Yeah, they can help your business too, you'll get new material out of it. 

Alex Pavone: I guess, I never thought about it like that. But that kid's going to be fucking- like if I have a kid now, he's going to be struggling hard. 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. 

Alex Pavone: Yeah, he's not going to be eaten well [laughing] or she. 

D.J. Demers: [laughing] 

Alex Pavone: He is not going to be doing well, she’s not going to be doing well. 

D.J. Demers: Well I was talking to a friend yesterday about kids because you know I had a good weekend with my girlfriend this past week and we're doing like a long distance now but she was in town last weekend and it was just one of those things- it was magical, like I love you, you love me, like we did not want to leave each other and- you know what I'm talking about when it gets magical like that. 

Alex Pavone: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 

D.J. Demers: Anyway long story short, not to be uncouth but I was like "Why don't I just cum in you?". 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] I was waiting for this podcast to pickup, there is it, baby. 

D.J. Demers: And she's like "No, no" and I was like "Yeah, you are right". 

Alex Pavone: "No, no, for heaven's sake, come on". 

D.J. Demers: But you know, it's was one of those moments where I was so in love, like "How bad can it be, we'll make it work". Anyway so, you know, cooler had prevailed. 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: She was the smart one and um- but I was talking to a friend yesterday, he's away from his kids for a few days and he was just like "Sometimes you just want to kill them". 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: "You can't him them, you can't even yell at them too much these days. But sometimes you just wanna"-he's like "They test you, they test you". Sounded like he was like a prison warden or something. And then like a minute later, he was like "But you know, I love them and I miss them", he was kinda making up for it. 

Alex Pavone: That left side of your brain is like "Pull back, buddy, pull back, pal". 

D.J. Demers: [laughing] 

Alex Pavone: Right side is losing it. [laughing] Right side is talking double homicide, pull it back. 

D.J. Demers: You've implicated yourself. But uh- but that minute, the first minute when he was speaking his true mind, that was- 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: That was enough for me to be like "Oh shit". Like if I asked my mom she's like "It's a gift, it's a miracle". She'll never give me the straight scoop- 

Alex Pavone: No. "It was one time, you were crying. I walked into the room, I wanted to smother your head with a fucking pillow", that never comes up in the childhood memories. 

D.J. Demers: My sister said to me, my sister- I have four nieces and nephew and one of my sisters has two daughters and a son and they are 5, 8 and 10. I love them, they're amazing. But when they get bratty, I leave. I'm the uncle, that's a luxury I have. 

Alex Pavone: You could fuck off . 

D.J. Demers: But my sister she's actually pregnant with her fourth now. 

Alex Pavone: Jeez. 

D.J. Demers: That came out of nowhere but um- 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: Nobody was expecting that, the third was a surprise. 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: So she said, me and my girlfriend, we're talking to her over the summer and she was like "We are just having a glass of wine, the kids are in bed" and she just like "kids are overrated". It was like so brutally honest, this was before she knew she had the fourth coming- 

Alex Pavone: Ok. 

D.J. Demers: But she was like, kid are overrated and her kids are like young and she's kind of in that time where it's- they're not in their terrible twos at that time where most parents are like "look at them growing up". 

Alex Pavone: How old? 

D.J. Demers: Four or five, eight and- 

Alex Pavone: No, no, how old is- 

D.J. Demers: My sister is four years older so she's 35. 

Alex Pavone: Wow. 

D.J. Demers: But yeah, and then you know again now she'll tell you, “No, I love it” and everything. But there's that honesty and that moment over a glass of wine where it's like "Man what a double edge sword kids are". 

Alex Pavone: So when was the first kid? 

D.J. Demers: She was young, both my sisters- One of my sisters had her first kid at 20 and the other one had them at 24. 

Alex Pavone: Can you imagine having a kid at 24? 

D.J. Demers: Oh, I am 31, I'd have a 7 year old. 

Alex Pavone: That's insane. That is insane. 

D.J. Demers: I know. 

Alex Pavone: My roommate, I by the way- I live with three other men. 

D.J. Demers: [laughing] Sorry. 

Alex Pavone: Two comics and Jay. Jay is actually 60, he works at LaGuardia but he's a good guy and- 

D.J. Demers: He's 60? 

Alex Pavone: About that, 55. 

D.J. Demers: Wow. 

Alex Pavone: Yeah, he's awesome. He's cool dude. He's been living at that house for 15 years and comics come and go- 

D.J. Demers: Okay. 

Alex Pavone: For 15 years so he's seen some shit. But, my roommate Chris was- he was on Instagram or whatever and he was just um- he goes "Oh my God, this girl is my age and she's having her third kid. That's fucking awful". And we were all like "Buddy, you got three roommates". He's like- still better. 

I'm like I think so, for sure. You know, being a grown man and being happy that you have three fucking roommates as opposed to three children is uh- I don't know if that's sad or I don't know what it is. Is it sad or is it beautiful? 

D.J. Demers: I think it's a lifestyle choice. I think we're taught that the kids are the ideal that we should be chasing like procreation kids, it's like seems like that's what you should do. 

Alex Pavone: There's fucking 7 billion people. What the fuck am I going to do? Bring in some- 

D.J. Demers: I'd like my people to live on now. 

Alex Pavone: Dude, I'm looking at my family, a bunch average Joes bro, I don't know. [laughing] Bring in a couple turkeys to this fucking world, just you know- 

D.J. Demers: I'd like to bring a YouTuber into this world. 

Alex Pavone: That's what I want, a blogger or- 

D.J. Demers: [laughing] 

Alex Pavone: A blogger who just stands right in the middle of the subway and when it opens the thing, just blocks everybody from getting out, that's who I want coming in. 

D.J. Demers: You know, that's the thing about these vloggers now, these YouTubers, they get their kids involved too so now you're fresh out of the womb and you've got a camera in your face every day and then- 

Alex Pavone: We live in a fucked up- The world is getting more boring and then we are broadcasting it more. 

D.J. Demers: It's true, the world is getting more boring to that point like we were talking about the “Uncle Drew” movie, how we know who's in it and everything, to that point like rock stars, comedians. I didn't know what the fuck Richard Pryor was doing after a show in the 70's. I mean I wasn't alive but I didn't know. I didn't know what Louis C.K. was doing after a show in 2008. 

Alex Pavone: What he's doing, get a pastrami sandwich? I don't give a fuck- 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. 

Alex Pavone: You're a super star. What the fuck are you doing? 

D.J. Demers: Yea. 

Alex Pavone: Oh, good choice with the mustard on your fucking sandwich, you fucking idiot. 

D.J. Demers: Although, Louie is a bad example because I still don't know what he's doing. He does it right. There's an air of mystery around them. Maybe cause he's up to no good. 

Alex Pavone: Maybe, I've never heard. I've never heard about this. 

D.J. Demers: Oh man. 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: Okay, without getting too deep into it. Do you believe the rumors? 

Alex Pavone: No, I don't. I stay away from all the fucking bullshit like that. 

D.J. Demers: [laughing] I also am trying to be positive and not shit on people but where there's smoke, there's fire. 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] That's exactly what I was going to say. 

D.J. Demers: But you also got to go the opposite way where you can't be too quick to jump- to side with the victims like Cosby or whatever. There's 50 people who come forward- Cosby did it, he’s a piece of shit. 

Alex Pavone: For sure. 

D.J. Demers: But if one person comes forward, I don't know if there's more than that for Louie but if one person comes forward, we can't to be too quick to be like, “He did it”. 

Alex Pavone: No, I know, that's true. 

D.J. Demers: I would hate, God forbid, if some woman says I did something and I didn't. And everyone's like "Of course you did it. She said that" and I'm like "Well what happened to due process". 

Alex Pavone: There is no such thing. I mean there is due process in the legal system but I mean like- 

D.J. Demers: In court and public opinion. 

Alex Pavone: Yeah, public opinion I mean I think it's fading very quickly. 

D.J. Demers: It's dangerous. 

Alex Pavone: It is. 

D.J. Demers: Cause I like that we're going in the direction of listening to victims and women have more of a voice and these are all positive developments. I just don't want to go too far in the opposite direction where- 

Alex Pavone: Yeah. Well you know not even for- You use that example, not even with that example, for other things too. But I mean, yeah for sure. 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. I was talking about the Louie example but Louie, I think there's been more than one woman so I- he might be a piece of shit. 

Alex Pavone: I- you know, I don't know. 

D.J. Demers: But to go back to the olden days like Jimmy Page from “Led Zeppelin”, I'm sure did so many things that were horrible. You know what I mean, but back then it was the 60's, they were like, “Well you have no rights so you're gonna have to be deal with it”. 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: I'm not saying that was a good time, I am just- 

Alex Pavone: No. 

D.J. Demers: saying that, time is changing. 

Alex Pavone: For Jimmy was. Times are changing. 

D.J. Demers: You know Mark Little's joke about how rock stars used to always say the ages of girls and songs and they were always way too young. 

Alex Pavone: No, I don’t know. 

D.J. Demers: It was a great bit. 

Alex Pavone: What's he say? 

D.J. Demers: He's like, rock stars were singing “Oh, cause she was 16, clean as a bean” and just stuff like that, there's one time where Van Morrison, he's like doing his Van Morrison scatting and he's like, he says 14, “She was 14, y-o-u", he doesn't even pronounce years old correctly because it's like he said 14 and then another part of his brain was like "This is too young". 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] Cut it, cut it. 

D.J. Demers: But it's true, if you're listening to the rock songs, the ages that they used to say about these girls were like- not good ages. They weren't like, “She was 24 years, she was kind of getting mature”, but still- 

Alex Pavone: Pretty, pretty confident- my grandfather started dating my grandmother at 12. 

D.J. Demers: She was 12? How old was he? 

Alex Pavone: Twenty two. 

D.J. Demers: No. 

Alex Pavone: I'm pretty confident. 

D.J. Demers: Back in Italy? 

Alex Pavone: Fuck yeah. 

D.J. Demers: Huh. 

Alex Pavone: I think he started like milking a cow and he's like there she is, right there. Let's party [laughing] Holy fuck, when she's 16, she's gonna be grabbing so many cow’s tits. 

D.J. Demers: [laughing] 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] I'm pretty confident, dude. 

D.J. Demers: And it was acceptable? 

Alex Pavone: It was- You had to. You had to find somebody, you had to find someone young and you had to fucking get a going, you had to start a business. Pump out four kids, get them- give them to feed pigs or whatever the fuck went on over there, I don't know what the fuck happened. 

D.J. Demers: I sometimes yearn for that simple lifestyle. 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: Just to have a farm, some pigs, some cows, some corn. It could be boring but, I don't know. I romanticize simplicity in my mind. 

Alex Pavone: I think we all, we are still simple, we are simple- this society, but we just try to complicate it and make it that we are these intelligent fucking hu- We all, at the end of the day, we really have no idea what's happening. 

D.J. Demers: I have no idea what's going on at any given point. 

Alex Pavone: At any given point I have no idea what's happening, but we pretend like we're all these fucking wizards but we're not too far away from milking cows. 

D.J. Demers: No. 

Alex Pavone: No, we are not. 

D.J. Demers: Well I did- when I did a TV show- 

Alex Pavone: I don't even know if that made sense. 

D.J. Demers: No, I mean- it made sense. 

Alex Pavone: A little bit. 

D.J. Demers: I did a TV show in Canada a few years back and there was a segment where I was like "I'm gonna milk a cow directly into my mouth". 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: So I did that, I tugged on the other- some farmer let me do it. We went and filmed and I stood behind the cow and tugged on the utter and the cow wasn't loving it and my form wasn't great and- but the milk was going 

right into my mouth and ended up looking way more homo erotic than I expect- 

Alex Pavone: Really? 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. 

Alex Pavone: First shot? 

D.J. Demers: Right. Nice warm milk right in my mouth. 

Alex Pavone: Oh, it's warm? 

D.J. Demers: Oh, it's warm, it's in their body. It's warmer than you think, my goodness- 

Alex Pavone: Oh, I forgot about that [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: [laughing] We had to put a blur on my midsection, I was enjoying it- No, but the thing that while it was happening is that I was like "This cow could kick me right in the fucking face right now and I'm dead". 

Alex Pavone: I love how you always want to go back to that. 

D.J. Demers: [laughing] 

Alex Pavone: Not just like "What a beautiful moment of me sucking the tit of a cow". You went right to death, you're like "Yeah, this cow could just murder me, murder my family, pull out a gun, shoot me in the head". 

D.J. Demers: Our fixations are really coming out, you bringing the gun up again. 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: My God. 

Alex Pavone: I brought up the gun in the first place? 

D.J. Demers: Yeah, you're the one who said- the gun, you shit yourself and- 

Alex Pavone: Oh yeah, buddy. Buddy, we are having too much fun. Pardon me? 

D.J. Demers: Have you had somebody pull a gun on you before? 

Alex Pavone: No. I told you what would happen. I shit myself. I would never bring that up if someone actually pulled a gun on me. If someone pulled a gun on me, I'd lie and be like, “Yeah dude, I disarmed them”. 

D.J. Demers: [laughing] My uncle Ron used to work at a gas station and he's not a fit man, he's a morbidly obese and- 

Alex Pavone: Actually [laughing] He's not a fit man by any means, he's not a man- 

D.J. Demers: He’s really a big man, lethargic, doesn’t move much but he- he was working at this gas station and I was like 10 years old at the time, maybe like 15 and he was working the night shift at a gas station in Kitchener, Ontario- 

Alex Pavone: Lovely city. 

D.J. Demers: Canada. Huh, don't lie to the people. [laughing] 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: And somebody pulled, somebody pulled a knife on him. 

Alex Pavone: Okay. 

D.J. Demers: They had a sword or a knife and he said he did kung fu on them. He like pulled a sword out. 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: They had a knife, he pulled a sword out from behind the counter, started doing kung fu stuff and they ran out and then he was in the paper the next day, for like stopping a robbery with a sword or whatever. By the way, I was young and I never verified any of this. I've never seen the newspaper article. I don't think my uncle ran toward a robber with the sword but I believed it when I was young- 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: But the idea of working at a gas station and trying to stop a robbery, if someone's like "Give me all the money", I'd be like "Of course". 

Alex Pavone: There's no way you'd get any resistance from me, at all. 

D.J. Demers: Even when I'm on stage if somebody want to step up and start threatening me, I'm like, “I really don't care dude, you win”. 

Alex Pavone: Yeah. 

D.J. Demers: I'm not like "I'm going to prove to you". I'm like, I lay down like a little puppy dog- 

Alex Pavone: Me too. 

D.J. Demers: I show my neck, I'm like "Bite me man". 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] Me too man, I have no time to be here all right then and there. I like it especially with the gigs. The money you make in comedy. 

D.J. Demers: Oh even if I'm making a hundred thousand dollars I'll give it back. 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] no way, here you go. 

D.J. Demers: People are unpredictable. Most of them- but I had to make a conscious decision to not hate them before I went on stage. Have you ever had those shows where before you go, you look at the audience like “That guy sucks, this girl is a loser, this guy's not going to like me”. I had to like just look at the audience- 

Alex Pavone: Four times this week but- 

D.J. Demers: [laughing] I have to tell myself “They're all wonderful people and we're going to get along great”. 

Alex Pavone: Yeah, yeah “These people are great”- 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. 

Alex Pavone: "Just because they look different, just because this man's mullet is attached to his beard, which I've never seen". 

D.J. Demers: [chuckles] 

Alex Pavone: "I feel that we could get along in some respect in some aspect". 

D.J. Demers: Yeah, we'll find a universality, we're bond. 

Alex Pavone: But then it doesn't take me long to lose it and just kibosh the whole thing. 

D.J. Demers: You've used kibosh three times, I just want to let you know I'm going to start using the word kibosh. 

Alex Pavone: I can't believe I've used it three times. 

D.J. Demers: You have. 

Alex Pavone: I can't believe that you have a counter in your head. 

D.J. Demers: [laughing] 

Alex Pavone: Pulled a little kibosh and there is it. 

D.J. Demers: It’s a great word. 

Alex Pavone: I love it. I don't even- 

D.J. Demers: I don't know another word that even close to it, next perhaps? 

Alex Pavone: Perhaps- 

D.J. Demers: Any next to my idea? 

Alex Pavone: I'm glad I've been using it right. There's a lot of times where I'm just blindly using words. 

D.J. Demers: I've made a conscious decision lately, you were talking about we think we're smart but we're actually like idiots. I've made a very conscious decision lately because I realize I'm very dumb. I used to think I was smart. I'm smart in some ways but I'm very dumb. My stage persona is shifting ever so slightly where I'm like "I'm actually not very smart". And jokes that weren't working well before are working really great because the audience is like, “Well at least this guy knows he’s a moron”. 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: I feel like they used to be like “Oh, this guy thinks he's better than me” and now they're like "Oh, he knows he’s not". 

Alex Pavone: "This guy is figuring it out". 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. It works. 

Alex Pavone: He's becoming smarter that he's an idiot. 

D.J. Demers: Yeah, yeah, I'm becoming self-aware of my idiocy. 

Alex Pavone: It's true. There's a lot of things that I do, that on day to day basis where I'm like, I'm a moron. There's a lot of things that I think I should- I am tackling but then I'm like "I'm an idiot". 

D.J. Demers: What's the toughest issue you face on a day to day basis? 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] The toughest issue? 

D.J. Demers: Yeah, what keeps you up at night? 

Alex Pavone: Oh, not a whole lot. I've been fucking eating these edibles that are knocking me out. 

D.J. Demers: You’ve been eating edibles? 

Alex Pavone: Oh buddy, they're knocking me out, baby. 

D.J. Demers: You got any edibles with you? 

Alex Pavone: No, I ate the last one but I can get them. 

D.J. Demers: No, that’s fine. I'm leaving tomorrow. 

Alex Pavone: You're leaving tomorrow? 

D.J. Demers: I don't touch the stuff anyways. 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] We should fucking not get into, when I say "we", I mean Jill. 

D.J. Demers: [laughing] 

Alex Pavone: No, I don't know- I don't know what the fuck. It's basically me. It's basically me, you know? 

D.J. Demers: What do you mean? 

Alex Pavone: That's what keeping me up at night. How am I going to survive, what am I going to do- what am I doing with my life, you know. 

D.J. Demers: You ever thought about giving up comedy? 

Alex Pavone: Uh, three times in this podcast. [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: Even the way I worded that- did you ever thought about giving up comedy? 

Alex Pavone: If you haven't, you're an idiot. Honestly, you're an idiot. 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. 

Alex Pavone: You know when you talk to kids doing comedy, they're like two years in and you try to riff with them and you're like, “Yeah fuck, I'm quitting after this one” and they are like "Why are you going to quit?", and I'm like, I'm not going to say it's a riff. I just go harder because this is garbage. 

D.J. Demers: [laughing] 

Alex Pavone: This whole thing's garbage. The industry is garbage, I blame the industry, I don't even know who the industry is, you know. 

D.J. Demers: Those shadowy figures. 

Alex Pavone: And then they're like "Come on man, you do comedy". And I'm like, I can't riff, I can't riff with this fucking person so I'll just go in, I go more in. 

D.J. Demers: New comedians are hilarious, they are wide eyed and bushy tailed. I remember so many comedians in Toronto starting in within- then all started blogs, I was guilty of it. I was like I'm gonna put up a video every day- 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: Show people my progress. But I remember one guy who started, I won't say his name, I'll tell you after. But he said uh-"Within a year, I'll be headlining all the clubs across the country". 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: He's like "I'm gonna do comedy every night and within a year". 

Alex Pavone: For sure man. 

D.J. Demers: "I will headlining" and all that. But I remember thinking it would take me three years. I was like "I'm going to work my ass off. Nobody is going to work harder than me, three years I'll be headlining". Of course that didn't happen. 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: It only took me two. [laughing] 

D.J Demers: No, but they got, they got that wide eyed naivety of like- But then the opposite happened because I still do love comedy and I hate when you talk to older comics who are so bitter and they didn't- you're like "Well why are you even doing that?". 

Alex Pavone: Yeah, yeah. No, I mean we are having a bit of a fucking- we're talking shit. At the end of the day like, you know, fuck - it's comedy. You know you're going up there and you try to make people laugh. You know that's what you gotta do. 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. 

Alex Pavone: I mean at the end of the day that's what it is. But I mean there are people who are those old grizzled veterans where they're miserable and it's like, buddy c’mon, like- there's real problems out there, you know? What are you mad at, that you're not famous? 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. 

Alex Pavone: Fuck off, dude. 

D.J. Demers: You wanna be famous? 

Alex Pavone: I want to make money 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. 

Alex Pavone: You know. 

D.J. Demers: You know- 

Alex Pavone: I guess, I guess you know what, the money that I feel that I should make or I think I'm going to make, would- I would be a little- I would have a little bit of fame or a little bit of followers, you know what I mean. 

D.J. Demers: Mhm. 

Alex Pavone: I could- 

D.J. Demers: People who like you come out to watch you. 

Alex Pavone: I’m not saying to be Russell or Kevin Hart, no. 

D.J. Demers: Russell Brand, you mean? 

Alex Pavone: Russell Brand and Kevin Hart [laughing] You know I mean. That's just- there's no point in even putting that pressure on yourself. It's luck at the end of the day. 

D.J. Demers: You guys- by the way I always try to look you up because I like to watch your stand-up because I love you man, I miss watching you. I've watched, I've listened to you on Spotify, I have found a couple of clips because I try to show my girlfriend, like "you've got to listen now because Alex is amazing". 

Alex Pavone: Thanks buddy. 

D.J. Demers: And- 

Alex Pavone: Back at you, pal. "D.J. is a fucking piece of shit, he beat me in the homegrown which is "Just for Laughs", it's a competition in Montreal where they have like the best comics in Canada. The new comics and me and D.J. were in it together and he beat me and you know, my dad was there and he always lets me have it. And he said "that D.J. guy beat ya". 

D.J. Demers: But to tell the full story of that, I went up fourth. 

Alex Pavone: Fuck you. 

D.J. Demers: And I had a great set and I was feeling good. I was- in my opinion I had like the best set, I think I had it and a few people went up after me. They had good set but I was like I still think I'm doing, I think I still might win this. And then you went up blast and just destroyed. And I remember being like 

"Fuck, I don't know, I think Alex might have this". So I was just lucky they gave it to me. Not lucky but it could have gone either way. 

Alex Pavone: You know, it was great, it was- 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. 

Alex Pavone: It didn't matter but me and D.J., it was like nine of us, eight of us- 

D.J. Demers: Nine maybe, yeah. 

Alex Pavone: So everybody in the competition knew that it was between me and him. Everybody knew because they were all back in the green room and me and him were just on the steps waiting for the winner. So there's a runner up and there's a winner. So we have, we knew whoever was going to get the runner up. 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. 

Alex Pavone: You know, you knew who was going to win, you know. But there was one comic and I won't say his name and I hope it's the same guy that we're talking about but I don't think it is. He was also on the steps. 

D.J. Demers: [laughing] 

Alex Pavone: And me and D.J. kept- I kept remember looking at D.J. and go like "Why the fuck this fucking idiot here?" and he was like, they were like, “And here is the runner up” and he was like, you know flinching toward the thing and I was like, "Has this guy gone mad?", you know- 

D.J. Demers: He was already crazy and- 

Alex Pavone: He was already crazy. So I'm glad we both know what this person is and I think I know who your person is. So yeah, so then I got runner up and then I was just like I got out there and Debra, she's a very funny comic who was hosting- 

D.J. Demers: She was the very first guest on this podcast. 

Alex Pavone: She is the best. 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. 

Alex Pavone: So she was hosting the thing and I got out and she's like "Congratulations". And we were both like “D.J.” like at the same time like, and we just shook our hands. 

D.J. Demers: It was a great night. We partied hard. 

Alex Pavone: We got fucked. 

D.J. Demers: So the question I was going to ask you and we'll wrap this up soon, we got to go do a show that apparently we have to speed date on as well? 

Alex Pavone: Yeah, we're going to get buckled though. Lit up. There's no way I'm taking the stage fucking silver at all. 

D.J. Demers: What I was going to say is you-if you guys, you got to go see Alex Pavone. You got to see him live because you'll walk on tables, those tables in the front row, you'll go off the stage. 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: He walks on tables, he's talking to people, he's saying whatever- 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] I’ve never walked on a table. But you know you've- 

D.J. Demers: You've walked on a table. I've seen you do a live at "Yuk Yuk's" in Toronto. Nobody was sitting in the front row so you just started to walking around all the tables. 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: I don't make that up, I changed my mind cause I was like "He's walking on the fucking table". 

Alex Pavone: I can't do that anymore, I don't have the balance, I think I might get a vertigo. I can't walk on a table anymore. 

D.J. Demers: Well, what I was going to ask you was when you moved to America, did you feel any like, did you get any more timid like "Okay, I'm in a new country here, gotta kind of toe the line a little bit more?". 

Alex Pavone: I did in the beginning, I think everybody does. When you come to a new place, you see other people the way they do it, the way they do their 

jokes you know- New York is a very- their comedy scenes very- especially the good people, they're very like jokey, like pom, pom, pom, you know? And the audience- the audience is sort of expect that- that's the way that the jokes are going to be. 

D.J. Demers: Mhm. 

Alex Pavone: You know? They're very like structured great joke writers and stuff like that. So when you come here and you're not getting on shows and you're just watching these people, you're like, you know, it's the natural thing you're like "Am I going to translate, is my humor going to translate, is my style going to translate?", because everybody is doing like a certain thing. So you know, when you come here you try to, I don't know if I try to emulate some different people and try to maybe have like shorter jokes, jokier jokes and it just wasn't clicking when I tried that. And then when I when I reverted back to how I usually am, it started, it started working and then I think some of the comics at the beginning were like, “What the fuck is this guy doing? This guy is a fucking lunatic". But then, you know, after you after a couple of years people like finally start getting in, into you. You know what I mean. 

D.J. Demers: Yeah, they realize it's not a put on, they realize you respect the craft, all sorts of things. 

Alex Pavone: Exactly! Like they know, that's the thing, I think it's respecting the craft and like, just because you have an unorthodox or different style to other people who are flourishing in this scene. 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. 

Alex Pavone: You know, people, people just will start "Okay, this guy works hard, at the end of the day", you know, that's how it is, I think. I don't know. I really don't know but I think that was it because at the beginning when I first came here people were like "This guy's got problems". 

D.J. Demers: [laughing] 

Alex Pavone: Like they actually thought I was mentally insane, you know. 

D.J. Demers: So they're good judges of people and they understand. 

Alex Pavone: That took some fuckin time but you know how it is man, you see some, you see some- I don't know how, I guess L.A. might be a little bit different here. You know what I mean. 

D.J. Demers: I don't- I haven't spent enough time in New York to know what the difference is really in the scene. But I really want to live here, I think I'm going to move here. 

Alex Pavone: For real? 

D.J. Demers: I'm going to give more time in L.A. but I really, when I'm in the city I'm like-when I made the decision to move to America like five years ago, it was New York and then eventually I just kind of shifted over to L.A. Film and TV, all those sorts of reasons but New York man, I really love it here. 

Alex Pavone: I just think like L.A. is fucking, you could just go- you could go to an audition, you know couple of times a year and you could just go back there if you get something. 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. 

Alex Pavone: You know, it's not going anywhere. 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. 

Alex Pavone: You know. 

D.J. Demers: And you know I haven't heard North Korea talk about bombing New York. 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: I’ve only heard L.A. 

Alex Pavone: They're bombing L.A.? 

D.J. Demers: They keep saying they’re gonna bomb L.A. 

Alex Pavone: Oh, fuck dude. 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. Hey, you know Martin Urbano? 

Alex Pavone: Who is that? 

D.J. Demers: He is a comedian in New York. I just brought him up because he did a set on Kimmel last night. They taped it a couple of months ago but I watched it while I was going to the bathroom before- 

Alex Pavone: I think I know him. 

D.J. Demers: He's great. He was just- he did all these funny Mexican jokes. I watched him working it out at the Improv in L.A. the night before he did Kimmel. 

Alex Pavone: So you’ve just met him? 

D.J. Demers: I met him in L.A. a couple of months before. 

Alex Pavone: Okay, okay. 

D.J. Demers: He's a really nice guy but he does like a minute and a half of Mexican jokes because he's Mexican, he's like "My family-", all the great Mexican jokes and then after he does all of them and everyone done laughing, he's like "Oh, I'm actually Italian". 

Alex Pavone: Is it for real? [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: And then he goes back to saying "You don't know what to believe but it's just so funny- the idea that like I'm Mexican and then doing all these great Mexican jokes, and then I'm actually not Mexican" so the audience is like "Was I allowed to laugh at that or?". 

Alex Pavone: He fucked them. 

D.J. Demers: What's the craziest thing that's happened to you in New York, onstage, otherwise? Cause this is New York, this is a city that never sleeps. I haven't seen you in like three years. What, what, what's going on? 

Alex Pavone: The craziest thing that's ever happened to me in New York. Jesus Christ, this city is so- it gets so blurred up because so many fucked up things happen all the time. 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. It's a big fuck show. 

Alex Pavone: It's- there you go! It's a fuck show! It's a goddamn fuck show! I don't know- 

D.J. Demers: I hate big questions like that, like "What's the the worst hackle you've ever got?", I'm like "I can't remember that". 

Alex Pavone: This is sort of a long story though but I can't- like it happened pretty early on. 

D.J. Demers: Let’s end it on the story, Pavone- tell me this long story. 

Alex Pavone: Okay, it's actually. Okay, so what actually happened like my first three weeks in the city- 

D.J. Demers: I'm going to need you to wrap it up soon buddy. [laughing] 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] Dude, it was the first three weeks in, I'm at a bar and I'm talking to the bartender and I'm sort of drunk and I'm like- yeah, you know I need a job but I don't have a green card so it has to be under the table and she's like "Well you know, I'm the manager of this and that" and I'm like "Oh cool" and we start shooting the shit and let me tell you - I'm on fire. Right? And she's laughing and she's having a good time and she's like "Oh I poured the wrong drink, let's have a shot". So we take a shot and then we end up having a couple more shots, then she's like "You smoke?" and I'm like "Yeah", and we smoked a little bit of weed and she's like "Come by next week and, you know, I'll train you this and that" and then I blacked out and then I'm at a bar, and me and her making out, singing karaoke, the manager and I was like "Oh buddy, am I nailing this interview right now" or what I think, we're singing Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow's "Picture". Good too. 

D.J. Demers: Love that tune. My dad's favorite song. 

Alex Pavone: Is it? 

D.J. Demers: [laughing] Yeah. 

Alex Pavone: I love that song. 

D.J. Demers: It’s a great song, “I can’t look at you while I'm lying next to her”. 

Alex Pavone: Me and her were kissing, we're making out like "Oh, do I got to still come in Monday or do I got this?". "Do you need a resume?", I should have said that. Uh- and then we have a couple of more shots. Blackout again. Next 

thing I know- she's an older woman by the way, she's about 45 years old. And next thing I know I am, you know, the blackout stages you just don't remember what's happening and then you're in a new location. It's like Improv. [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: [laughing] Yeah. 

Alex Pavone: So now this location is her house. And I came to her house in New York, fucking like, like when you come too and you're in a nice place, you're like-you're scared but you're also like "Is this a one bedroom?" [laughing] But she's completely naked and she is- I'm I'm very drunk but also scared because you know, I'm like three weeks into the city, my heart's racing, I'm high, I don't know what's going on, I don't know where I am and she is trying to have sex with me and my- I mean I had a lot of whiskey and then the anxiety started to mount so I know my penis pretty well. No better than others, I knew it was not going to work. 

D.J. Demers: [laughing] 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] It was down for the night, it was taking a power nap on my balls, it was toast. 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. 

Alex Pavone: And uh- it was laid out. [laughing] But she, for some reason- and then she was like "Where's my cocaine?". And I was like "Look this is a problem"- that's when I started to really panic, I was like "Oh, good, I'm going to be working for you". Cocaine lady was going to be paying me under the table with cash and I'll never see the money. 

D.J. Demers: I thought that was mandatory, to be a bar manager and to have a coke problem. 

Alex Pavone: It should have been, she also had a dead black tooth but that's not part of the story that affected me not having sex with her, for sure. And then she had this huge, she snapped- she snapped. Okay. And she was like "You're not having sex with me because I'm older", she was 45 and I was like- 

D.J. Demers: You mentioned that. 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] And I was like- and she had a dead tooth. And I was like "No, it's the tooth". No, I didn't say that but I was like um- "No, that's not true, like I'm very drunk and stuff". And she kept yelling at me that she- 

because she was older and she looked older and she said "If you don't have sex with me"- this is insane: she's like "If you don't want to have sex with me because you think I'm older and you think I'm old, you don't have to look at my face". So she had a walking closet. She walks into the closet, she puts her head into the closet, shuts the back doors on her, only her ass is sticking out and I hear mumbling going "Fuck me like this". I'm not even joking. So now I'm like "Do I just leave? Do I run out?". My shoes were on. I got a sprint and she's- "fuck me" and I was like, I'm like- like I just pictured her with like jeans over her face, yelling into the wind. And then I just opened the fucking door because I'm like, this is insane. I opened the door and I was like "So did I get the job or what?" and she's like "Get out of here, you're done". Then that was that. I didn't ask that question but I just laughed like "I have to go, this is fucked up". 

D.J. Demers: She shut the closet door on? 

Alex Pavone: It's just on her ass- she was like, what do you call those things, with the legs-what do you call that? A ceptor or some shit, what do you call those things? 

D.J. Demers: I don't know. 

Alex Pavone: Centipede, centor- 

D.J. Demers: Oh, a centor- 

Alex Pavone: Yeah. The ass was out, she was a walking closet, from the torso up. [laughing] She was like "Fuck me” and I was like "Buddy, so so Monday?". 

D.J. Demers: [laughing] Oh my God. 

Alex Pavone: I don't think anything else was, I don't think anything else has topped that from my personal opinion and you know, you've done- you do comedy. What I'm going to say- "Oh yeah, I did a show and then fucking Louis C.K. walked in". The centor-fucking was the funniest part of it. [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: That’s amazing. And you didn't mention that said nothing but she was 45 and she had a dead tooth? 

Alex Pavone: No, I didn't say that at all, that's crazy. I forgot to tell you that, I apologize. 

D.J. Demers: Mr. Alex Pavone, by the way Pavoné or Pavone? 

Alex Pavone: You said it right the first time, baby. 

D.J. Demers: But everybody in Tortonto, some people say Pavoné, some would say Pavone. I didn't know if we were just anglicizing the Italian- 

Alex Pavone: Pavoné, right? 

D.J. Demers: Yeah. 

Alex Pavone: You said it like that? Perfect. When people say “Pavone”, I'm like, if I like you I'm like, "Hey buddy, it's Pavoné". 

D.J. Demers: But I've always called you “Pavone” but you never corrected me. 

Alex Pavone: Yeah, you're a good guy. [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: Mr. Alex Pavoné, where can everybody find you online, buddy? 

Alex Pavone: Uh, Alex underscore the kid underscore Pavone, P-A-V-O-N-E (alex_thekid_pavone). I'm on Twitter but I don't tweet. [laughing] And uh- MrAlexPavone on Twitter, I said my name wrong. That's it. And I have a podcast, can I plug my podcast? 

D.J. Demers: What's the podcast? 

Alex Pavone: Uh, "Suite Buddies", S-U-I-T-E B-U-D-D-I-E-S, if that's- if you don't know how to spell buddies and um- it's me and my two roommates Chris Scope, Mike Albanese, Jay - the Indian guy, we have had him on one episode and he murdered so we're trying to get him back. But yeah, that's our podcast. Buddy, thank you so much for having me, man. I'm so pumped to see you and am with you. I really am. 

D.J. Demers: Yeah man, we're going to have a great time. Okay, so Alex Pavone everybody, Pavone. Alex_the_kid and you won't see any Instagram story from him, that's for sure, he keeps it private. 

Alex Pavone: Yeah. [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: All right everybody, keep on fucking on those closets. 

Alex Pavone: [laughing] 

D.J. Demers: And uh- watch out for guns, go air ballooning. I'm trying to recap a couple of things but I don't remember much of it. Okay, and Jill, thank you so much for hanging out. Jill, say bye. 

Jill: Bye. 

D.J. Demers: Okay, we finally hear her voice. Okay, see ya everybody. 

[outro]